From the Turnip Seed Wire:
In a rare, videotaped message, Osama bin Laden, grinning ear to ear and flanked by smiling Taliban leaders, commended British Petroleum and Halliburton for the oil rig disaster in the Gulf of Mexico. “A job well done!” exclaimed bin Laden, who went on to describe his own personal envy of the ability to cause such a horrific catastrophe.
“Me, I can take out a couple of skyscrapers and damage a navy ship or two,” he said. “I can scare the living bejeesus out of America at any given moment. But YOU have killed a small ocean and ruined much of America’s coastline for several generations-at least! While it’s true I would have gone for a higher body count in the rig explosion–I’d have flown a couple of planes into it–you nevertheless have engineered a catastrophe that exceeds my most fantastic dreams!”
“Well done! Well done! Well done!” As bin Laden spoke, automatic weapons fire echoed in the background from several celebrating Taliban. “I once considered incorporation as a way to build my network,” he continued. “But I didn’t think I could get around all the corporate regulations, and that there would be some sort of monitoring that would prevent me from causing such a catastrophe. Obviously, I was wrong.”
Bin Laden offered BP CEO Tony Hayward an honorary lifetime membership in the Taliban and invited him along with corporate officials from both BP and Halliburton to attend an awards ceremony to be held in a cave in Pakistan at a time to be later determined.
There was no comment from either BP or Halliburton on whether they would attend.